It’s that time of week again, that time where we all gather around the fire and watch a billion dollar TV show deliver a big steaming pile of disappointment! Last week we found out we will have a #1 Contender match this week between Bobby Lashley & Roman Reigns. It was also revealed online over the weekend that Stephanie McMahon will appear to make a blockbuster announcement! I can’t wait! Let’s jump into the action and see what ol’ Bollocksjaws has in store for us on Raw this week…
We kick off the show with the whole roster on the ramp, and a McMahon in the ring. But it’s not Stephanie, it’s Vince McMahon. He calls out Bollocksjaws to the ring, along with HHH. They come out to the ring and Steph gets a hug from her daddy.
She takes a mic and talks shit about making history. HHH says he’d like to thank the WWE Superstars, from Raw to NXT. Nights like tonight happen because of those stars. Their dedication, passion, blood and tears make it all possible. But they don’t do it alone, it’s a huge team, and that bond has never been stronger than among the current crop of talent. He asks all the women to step forward.
HHH says he wants them to know how much the men behind them support them, and they already know how much the WWE Universe do. He goes on about their historic moments from the past few years, and he wants them to know how proud they are of them. Steph says the opportunities don’t happen just by opportunity. They happen because the people deem it to be important. The people demanded the women have more chances, and their voice gave the women the platform they have and deserve.
Time for the big announcement: on October 28th, there’s going to be an event called Evolution. But this is not a mystery! It’s going to be the first ever all-women’s WWE Pay Per View. It will feature stars from the past, present, and future, and will showcase all the amazing women’s talent. We then had reference to it in every promo throughout the night. It’s great they are doing this, but this seemed so forced and condescending to me. The reason these women needed a revolution was because the company was fucking them over in the first place…
We had a backstage promo from Roman Reigns talking about all the stuff he’s done in the past 5 years, calling himself the most decorated superstar of this generation. He says he doesn’t care what anyone says, he’s going to Summerslam, and he’s going to whoop Lesnar’s ass. Later we have a similar promo from Lashley where he talks about how Roman failed to beat Lesnar so many times. He also says he main evented Wrestlemania, which is not true. It was the 3rd last match, and Melina vs Ashley Massaro was technically closer to being a main event than Lashley was.
The match itself was fine. Generic big man match really, fairly hard hitting, and both guys sold like champs for each other. Lashley goes for a Spear, but Roman hits a flying clothesline for a 2 count. Roman with a Superman Punch for another 2… why is Roman surprised at that?
“Roman is feeling himself” – direct quote from Coach, that’s not very PG. Lashley goes to throw Roman from the floor into the ring, but Roman lands badly on the side of his neck. There was no need for that spot. Lashley with a Spear, but Roman barely kicks out! He goes for another, but SUPERMAN PUNCH! Roman nails a Spear, and we have our new #1 Contender! I actually kinda wish Lashley won, because at least that would be something new. They shake hands afterwards as a sign of respect.
Finn Balor was having a chat backstage with Chad Gable, hyping up Evolution. They stop abruptly when an official walks by with Finn’s suitcase, and another with his jacket. Apparently they’ve been given orders from Constable Corbin to move him to a different locker room; a kid’s playhouse! Corbin thinks Finn is too big of a star to not have his own locker room, and that’s perfect for someone of his stature. Finn says he always wanted his own funhouse, and thanks Corbin. He will face Drew McIntyre later tonight. BILLION… DOLLAR… TV SHOW!!!
Drew & Dolph Ziggler have a backstage promo where Ziggler goes on about his Ironman Match with Rollins. Drew says his only blip so far was in last weeks triple Threat match, and Ziggler reminds us Drew wasn’t the one pinned, Balor was.
The match itself was good, as is to be expected from these two. Balor with a picture perfect dive out onto Drew to wrap up a fast, hard hitting opening sequence. When we come back from break Drew has control and suplexes Balor from his knees… that’s impressive! Balor with a beautiful satellite DDT, which I can’t remember seeing him do before! He goes for a Coup de grâce, but Ziggler crotches him for the DQ. Ziggler attacks until Seth Rollins heats things up by appearing.
We get a tag match, and ZigIntyre try to retreat but are cut off by Rollins & Balor. Coach says he never thought he’d see Balor & Seth on the same time. Why is that cunt on my TV?
The rest of the tag match is pretty standard for these guys, so it was a good match. Rollins picks up the win after a Curb Stomp on Dolph. Later in the night Kurt makes a match between Seth and Dolph for the title at Summerslam.
We got a recap of what went down between Sasha Banks & Bayley last week, where Sasha said she loves Bayley. They’re both watching it backstage, and Charly Caruso interviews them. Bayley says since last week they’ve had a long talk since last week, but their differences is what makes them strong. Sasha says that with Stephanie’s announcement they’ve never been more ready to get on the same page. Bayley says she was happy to hear how Sasha really feels, and Sasha says she knows the feeling is mutual.
They team up to take on 2 local talents. There’s some nice tandem moves in there, and they make light work of the 2 locals. After the match they hug, and Sasha is definitely loving every second of it. There’s an awkward moment where they linger while looking at each other, and the crowd goes a bit quiet until they hug again. Still intrigued to see where this is going…
Braun Strowman comes out to the ring and we get a promo from him where he congratulates all the women on the announcement of Evolution, especially Alexa Bliss. He then addresses the Lashley-Roman match. He says it doesn’t matter about either of them, or even Brock Lesnar, because eventually a monster will come calling. Kevin Owens hobbles out onto the stage to interrupt him.
KO says he can’t believe Strowmand can just come out here and talk about the title like that. He reminds us of how he got thrown off the cage. Owens says when he tried to befriend Strowman, it was from the goodness of his heart. It was for his son, because he hoped if Owens and Braun were friends, his son could take Nicholas’ place as Braun’s tag partner. His kids are now scared because they see the pain he is in, and Braun tried to take away his ability to provide for his family, so he wants to take everything from Braun.
KO reminds us he won the cage match at Extreme Rules, so he has nothing to prove, but Braun’s problems have just begun. Out comes the Constable! Corbin reminds us Stephanie is here tonight. He says what Braun done was technically legal, but was morally wrong. Corbin says he is all about helping people try to grow, and he wants to help Braun. He found someone to help Braun control his temper: Jinder Mahal.
Jinder does his “Ashanti” thing, and Braun interrupts him to proclaim his own mantra. He gets Sunil to hold his microphone, and he gets everyone to close their eyes and take a deep breath. His mantra is “Get These Hands”, and he lays out the 2 boys. Waste of 10 minutes there.
Later in the night, as Steph is talking to Kurt before leaving, Corbin brings KO to talk to her. She asks if Kevin is ok, and he says he’s not, and life has been hard. Cobrin says Kurt has let it get out of control. Owens wants to face Braun again, with the MITB briefcase on the line. Kurt says it’s absurd, but Steph makes it official
B Team def Deleters of Worlds
Sasha Banks & Bayley def Local Talents
Mickie James def Natalya
Mojo Rawley def Tyler Breeze
Finn Balor def Drew McIntyre (DQ)
Finn Balor & Seth Rollins def Drew McIntyre & Dolph Ziggler
Ember Moon def Liv Morgan
Roman Reigns def Bobby Lashley
Another fairly average to disappointing show, to be honest. There was the big announcement for the Evolution Pay Per View, and the main event determined a new #1 Contender for a match nobody cares about, but the matches in between counted for nothing really. I’m pretty much over the B Team/Deleters feud, Seth Rollins is cooling so fast I think he’s been submerged in Arctic waters, and we have the man that created the most over faction in modern wrestling in a feud with Baron Corbin & a kids playhouse. They have a full TEAM of people writing this stuff, and this is what they can come up with.
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