Gordo is away with Nicky on location at the WWE UK Championship Tournament this week so the Raw reporting responsibilities fall on me. It’s been a while since I’ve done a Raw report so give me a minute to get my bearings, *clears throat*, God I hate The Miz, God I love Enzo Amore! That’s it! Wait, neither of them are on Raw now? What the hell am I supposed to do now????
Raw is too long and writing about it takes even longer so I am going to just talk about the main storyline this week, Mr. Rollins. Seth Rollins, as Michael Cole keeps telling us, is “hot” right now. He’s hotter than Hansel, so hot right now. You would be forgiven for thinking that Cole is commenting on his appearance or that he wants to diddle his doodle but he is actually talking about the winning streak Rollins has been on.
However, last night that all came screeching to a halt when Rollins held his IC Title Open Challenge. Ziggler and McIntyre came out but we didn’t know if it would be HBK or Diesel that would answer the challenge. Ziggler stepped up to the plate and beat Rollins for the Intercontinental Title! Nobody saw that coming, well done WWE. You finally did something cool. After the match the team of Ziggley Puff 8000 beat down Rollins to really rub salt in the wounds…the utter bastards.
Later in the night Constable Corbin informs General Manager Kurt Angle™ that Bollocksjaws herself Stephanie McMahon is on the phone and has newsies! After some preparation with cue cards Kurt makes his way to the ring to drop the bombshell, or something.
Kurt informs us that “WWE Officials” have decided when Brock Lesnar will defend the mythical Universal Title next, the only question would be who (WHO, WHO, WHO) he would defend against. This prompted Roman Reigns to come out to state his claim as Cole gave us his most sultry “Here comes THE BIG DOG” to date. It honestly distracted me. Imagine Cole with eyebrows raised saying it and you’ll get the picture. Rarrrr.
AAAAAAAnnyway Roman states his claim which leads to Bobby Lashley coming out. Full disclosure, this is where I switched off and went to bed. I saw Roman and Lashley in the same ring fighting over the opportunity to face Brock for a belt that I don’t actually believe exists and I decided that I had enough heroin for one night. The hallucinations were becoming far to unsettling. Turns out…this all actually happened.
Kurt informs us that at Extreme Rules there will be a “multi-person” match to decide a number one contender to Brock. Multi-Person…not Multi-Man? Either PC culture has gotten even worse or there will be women in the match!
— Dana Brooke WWE (@DanaBrookeWWE) June 19, 2018
This all led to a tag team match against The Revival yada yada yada. Kurt never actually said when Brock would be defending by the way. Unless I missed something, Kurt didn’t mention Summerslam, we have just assumed that. Brock might not defend until Wrestlemania 67 for all we know.
Now, with the way the commentators have been talking about Rollins for the last few months does this mean Rollins will enter the match at Extreme Rules? He has his rematch next week against Ziggler (which he’ll lose via Drew McIntyre) and will surely be added to the match.
Has all of this incessant “so hot right now” stuff been leading to Rollins beating Lesnar at Summerslam? It’s starting to look that way.
B-Team had a great promo where they impersonated Matt Hardy and Bray Wyatt.
Ronda became Stone Cold and was suspended for 30 days for being entertaining.
That’s all. Toodles.