Talking Smack – WWE Smackdown Live – 29th May 2018

Smackdown Live 29 05

Smackdown was pretty damn good last week. Can they keep up the trend or will they shit the bed? We have Daniel Bryan vs Samoa Joe for the last spot in the MITB ladder match so surely that can’t let us down? Right? We also have a dance-off. So ya. There’s that. Swings and roundabouts.

 

Not The Match You’re Looking For

Speaking of that Samoa Joe vs Daniel match, we didn’t actually get that. Instead we got a Triple Threat match. Joe opened the show all dressed to compete, walked down to the ring, took out a ladder, climb it and took down the briefcase. He then talked about some bible stuff about ladders before saying that he will prove to Daniel Bryan that there are things far worse than forced retirement. Joe said that after tonight, Daniel would need to call Brie and tell her to tell Birdie that Daddy will be home for MITB but he won’t be the same man.

Duck Swing Dip Dive and Dodge

This drew Daniel Bryan out as he was pissed about Joe mentioning his wife and kid. Maybe you shouldn’t have a reality TV show which goes into great detail about your personal life Daniel. Just an idea. Daniel wants to start their match now. But oh  no, Big Cass’s music plays. He hobbles out on a crutch (one of the stupid American ones, get real crutches America) and says that all of this is juvenile. But what else would he expect from the shrimp and the blimp. Nice. Cass has apparently spoken to General Manager TM Paige and the Joe/Bryan match ain’t happening. Instead it will be Joe vs Cass for the final spot in MITB as soon as Cass is cleared…….which is now. He swings at Bryan with the crutch, D Bry ducks and it hits Joe. Cass throws Bryan into a ladder and takes both Daniel and Joe out with the briefcase before standing tall in the ring holding it up.

Renee tries to get the scoop from Paige about all this later on. Paige says that no-one speaks for her. Cass is medically cleared, but Daniel did earn his chance so it will be a Triple Threat tonight for the last spot.

Triple Threat Match

So in the last MITB Qualifying match for this year, it’s Samoey Joey vs D Bry vs Big Ass. Joe gets jobber entrance, Cass is already halfway through his entrance when we come back from break and Daniel gets his full entrance. Joe and Bryan team up and take out Cass early on. Bryan missed his flip out of the corner thingy but managed to recover it, might have knocked Joe a bit hard in the head though when doing it. Joe does a diving forearm through the ropes to Cass, D Bry dives from top rope onto both of them. Cass throws D Bry over the desk.

My nipples are really tender right now

Lots of back and forth from all 3. Daniel gets the Yes kicks in on the others, tries to get Cass in a Yes lock, struggles to lock it in but eventually gets it and then Joe pulls him out of the ring. That was done really well. Bryan hits a knee off the apron to Joe. He then hits Missile Dropkick and Running Knee to Cass. Just as he was going for the pin, Joe comes from behind and locks in the Coquina Clutch on Bryan. Bryan passes out and Joe picks up the win. After the match, Cass boots Bryan in the face cause he’s a dirty bastard heel.

This was a great match, adding Cass in added a different dynamic and I’m kinda glad that they didn’t give us Bryan/Joe just yet. That can be a big money match down the road.

 

The Dick Assassin Learns to Count

Shinsuke Nakamura seems to have moved on from hitting people in the dick. Now his all about embracing his inner Count and loves counting to 10. Unfortunately the number 10 is also a stable of the perfect 10 Tye Dillinger and the two had a Twitter back and forth this week resulting in a match on this week’s show. Before the match, Nakamura was walking through the back dropping sheets of paper with the numbers 1-10 on them. He ripped the 10 in two, dirty bastard heels all over the place tonight.

Everybody Smile

Nakamura’s entrance is back to showing the band setting up before the screech again after a one week absence of them last week. Nakamura counts down Dillinger every time he knocks him down in keeping with the Last Man Standing theme.  On one attempt, Dillinger gets up and counts the 10 himself then tells Nakamura to “come on” complete with hand gestures. Nakamura hist Tye with a Kinshasa and the match is done Shinsuke hits another Kinshasa to the back to head after the match and then counts to 10.

Dillinger looked pretty good in this. Hopefully this will help get him some more opportunities going forward. It’s been a while since he’s had any sort of storyline, let alone a push.

AJ Styles also made a slight appearance with the Dashabot 5388. He said that Shinsuke thinks he has an advantage. But AJ fights harder and smarter and the Last Man Standing will be AJ Styles.

 

Dance Dance Lanalution

In the advertised Dance Off, Lana faced off against Naomi. Lana has her Golden Vagina on her chest again and Aiden English and Rusev sing/rapped to the ring. Naomi came out with the Usos. So the Rules of the Dance Off as as follows, very important, pay attention now: They each have 60 seconds to dance. The crowd will then determine the winner.  Rusev is also streaming it live on Instagram.

Lana pops and locks and then does a bit of breakdancing, finished off with alittle spin-a-roonie. Naomi goes full Beyonce on it into ending in a split. Neither went 60 seconds from what I could tell. I didn’t have a stopwatch out or anything but they seemed shorter than that. Also there was then no fan voting. So all the rules were a lie. What am I supposed to believe if the sacred rules of dance-offs aren’t even adhered to.

“Dancing”

Both women dab and then decide to dance awkwardly together. It did not go well. They end up standing back to back and Lana hits a Neckbreaker on Naomi before slapping Jimmy. That’s more like it. Naomi and the Usos eventually get the upper hand over the Rusev family and stand tall in the ring.

Well that happened. It wasn’t as bad as I was expecting though. At least King wasn’t judging or commentating on it.

 

Absolution is Still a Mystery

But a mystery that loses a lot nowadays. Paige got accosted by her former Absolution mates in the back (Paige loves the back). They say that they don’t see why Paige is giving chances to people that don’t deserve it like Asuka. So Paige makes a match between Asuka and Mandy Rose tonight.

There’s nothing like a good arse in the tits.

For the match, Carmella was on commentary. Sonya was nowhere to be seen for Mandy Rose’s blurry entrance but the reason was clear pretty fast. As Asuka was making her entrance, Sonya attacked her from behind. This lead to Mandy having the upper hand in the match for a good portion of it. Carmella on commentary tells us once again all about the maths and how she is better than Asuka. She even annoys Corey so he doesn’t acknowledge her anymore, and switches the conversation to Mandy Rose. That’s some heelwork to get Corey who is actively trying to support you to give up on it. Asuka wins with the Asukalock. After the match, Carmella gets in the ring and holds up the title in Asuka’s face.

 

 

 

Booty Bar

 

We had a 6 man tag team match all 3 members of  The New Day taking on The Bar & The Miz. Before the match, the New Day have Mr Bootysworth bring them pancakes while The Bar and Miz are practicing swatting pancakes away blindfolded. The commentators all apparently have their own sources and all of them say that a different member of the New Day is in MITB. But who is it actually going to be. Who? Who?

WWE Photo

Woods with a firm grip on Sheamus’s leg

On to the match and it was a good one. Notable spots/parts I bothered to take notes for were: All 3 of team MizBar take out Big E at ringside. Woods was also taken out it seems, but I must have missed that. Kofi managed to survive on his own hitting an SOS until Woods is back up. Woods flips off Sheamus’s back in the ring to Cesaro on the outside. Urinagi/Backstabber combo from Big E/Woods for a 2 count. A bunch of near falls then Kofi dives off the ring post onto The Bar. Big Ending from E to Miz for the win.

Fantastic match overall which shouldn’t be a surprise considering who (who? who?) was involved here. And we still don’t know which member of New Day it’s going to be in MITB. With the performances Woods has been putting on lately though, I would really like to see him have the shot.

Smacking the Other Bits Up

  • Renee was talking to the Good Brothers backstage about their upcoming title match. Carl `Abs` Anderson, says that his hot Asian wife loves his abs. They will beat the BB like they are a couple of …… We hear static, BB are on the screen beside them. They say ominous stuff then to Prepare yourselves for the Bludgeon Brothers. (They’re Nerds)
  • Andrade `Cien` Almas was walking though in the backstage area. Sin Cara comes up and tries to talk to Almas because they go “way back” but Vega stops him and asks him who he is. Says he’s a nobody. Almas then says something is Spanish. Didn’t sound good. Sin Cara looked shocked…..i think.
  • Charlotte and Becky were looking at the Asuka/Mandy match. Charlotte says sees a Wrestlemania rematch between her and Asuka when Asuka wins the title and Charlotte wins MITB. Becky says she just sees a wall. She tells Charlotte to look more to her left until she sees the actual winner of the MITB, Becky. Charlotte says she needs to win so she will win, Becky says it’s her year. Paige then comes over after wandering around behind them and reminisces about Team PCB. The girls aren’t impressed.
  • Next Week: 2 matches are made for next week’s Smackdown Live. A mixed tag match between Jimmy Uso & Naomi vs Aiden English & Lana following the dance-off earlier. And Becky Lynch vs Charlotte Flair following that interaction from earlier.

 

Show Synopsis

Another good Smackdown in my book. There were 2 fantastic matches and the dance segment definitely wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Smackdown knocked Raw out of the water again this week. They must be really trying to justify that sweet sweet Fox money.

Match Results

Shinsuke Nakamura def. Tye Dillinger by pinfall
The New Day def. The Miz and The Bar by pinfall
Asuka def. Mandy Rose by submission
MITB Qualifier: Samoa Joe def. Daniel Bryan & Big Cass

 

The Alleged Wrestling Podcast

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While you’re here, make sure to check out ‘The Alleged Wrestling Podcast’ where we have the craic looking back over the wrestling events of the past week! (It’s also on iTunes and Stitcher and all those nice things)

 

 

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About the Author: Nicky Bowe - Junior Executive Vice President of that feeling you get when you are walking alone at night and you're sure there's someone there. Nicky loves Wrestling, Video Games, Batman, General Nerdy Stuff, Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain. He likes DDP Yoga and having half a brain. Quite fond of making love at midnight, doesn't need to be in the dune of a cape. If he's the author you are looking for, write to him and escape.

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