Southpaw Regional Wrestling: Road to Showdown at the Swamp

Local promotion Southpaw Regional Wrestling have spent the past six weeks building to their closed circuit television Wrestling extravaganza. Showdown At The Swamp airs this weekend, the 16th of August 1986. Join me as I break down the exciting build up to this event week by week, episode by episode.

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Episode 1

So here we go. We are joined as usual by our broadcast team of Lance Catamaran and Chett Chetterfield. Lance introduces Chett who seems to be back on his feet since his last appearance. The last we saw of Chetterfield it seemed like he had been a little too liberal with the hooch. Hopefully Chetterfield can start fresh and meet a nice girl to share his life with.

A vignette airs for French grappler René Beret. A very excited Beret tells us that he loves America and that he wants us to love him too. We then see shots of Catamaran and Chetterfield who are outraged that the Frenchie was given airtime. Because America, that’s why. Catamaran seems especially upset.

Next we had a word from SRWs sponsor Malibu Al’s Car Emporium. Al’s can be found off Interstate 10 right in the heart of Louisiana’s used tire district, so there’s that. Al wants us all to know that he has a 1979 Station Wagon that could comfortably seat eight, or for the eligible bachelor it has a spacious back seat so you know…

Al sure is a phenomenal used car salesman.

Another vignette airs for local musician Nicci Lee Styxxx who will be the musical accompaniment at Showdown At The Swamp. He’s here to show the world how talented he is.

Local Business Tycoon Mr. Mackelroy has purchased airtime on the broadcast. He is joined by ringside reporter Susan, he tells us that he has set a $10,000 challenge for Showdown At The Swamp. Back in the studio Chett Chetterfield looks a little smitten by Susan as we go off the air.

Episode 2.

The episode opens with a video from an undisclosed location outside of Greasy, Oklahoma. Former foes and now Tag Team Championship contenders Tex Ferguson and Chad 2 Badd are riding the roads in a Trans Am. Tex2Badd (as they are now collectively known) have matching clothes and a funky new dance. Tex2Badd will challenge The Butchers for the Southpaw Regional Wrestling Tag Team Championships at Showdown At The Swamp. Dry Rub Doug and Frantic Frank will have their work cut out for them when these good brothers roll through town.

Next we see a vignette for what seems to be a lady wrestler. Everybody is a little shocked and laughs it off. Catamaran tells us it could just be a tiny, tiny man. If not, Southpaw Regional Wrestling may have its first female competitor.

We are joined by American Hero Dan Bandana who is disgusted by the René Beret appearance on last week’s telecast. Bandana challenges Beret to a good old fashioned Flag Match at Showdown At The Swamp. With Old Glory behind him there is nothing Dan Bandana cannot achieve. “USA. USA. Danny Bandana and the USA!”

The next segment is introduced by Chetterfield due to his special interest in ringside reporter Susan. Love may be in the air. Susan is joined by Astonishing Adam Düng who accepts The Banker Mr. Mackleroy’s $10,000 challenge from last week.

Chetterfield breaks the news that he and Susan are getting married, also that Susan makes her omelettes with three types of cheeses and that he walks her cat every Saturday morning so it’s the real deal. He seems quite taken with her.

Catamaran breaks news to us that wrestler Dewey Jackson is missing. Chetterfield is too taken by his homemade T-Shirt with a picture of he and his future bride to read the room.

Episode 3.

Southpaw Regional Wrestling management have organised a Doing it for Dewey Tournament. Most of the wrestlers did not want to take part but ever since a winners purse was announced everybody wanted to help out. During a plea for help in finding Dewey technical difficulties interrupted Lance Catamaran. The sponsored ad for local business Malibu Al’s Car Emporium seemed to run over the live feed.

Back in the studio and Catamaran is alone due to Chetterfield being off. He and Susan are getting married. In his place we have nephew of the station owner Clint Bobski. It’s a big step up for the former In Field Correspondent. He and Lance seemed like they were on a different page. Bobski throws to a video package for Southpaw Regional Wrestling Tag Team Champions, The Butchers.

The Butchers, Dry Rub Doug and Furious Frank, ran down Tex2Badd and their chances at the upcoming extravaganza. They say that they are in the shop beatin’ meat and when they see Tex2Badd it will be the same result, beating.

Next we had Tex Ferguson standing in a cornfield. Tex found a spot in the field to “do a little kissing” with Southpaw girls. Be careful bringing girls to that field Tex! There could be rats!

The next segment sees a run down of the wrestlers who have entered themselves in the Doing it for Dewey Tournament. Impressive Pelvis Wesley, Porkchop Jones and the charismatic Southpaw Regional Wrestling Champion John Johnson have all joined the fray becuase they love Dewey and win purses.

As the show went off the air Clint Bobski broke the news that on next week’s episode he will have an exclusive interview with Southpaw Regional Wrestling’s first ever lady wrestler. What a scoop!

Episode 4.

The show opens with the returning Chett Chetterfield looking like his former drunken self. Chett tells us that he had a romantic liaison with his new bride and their gardener. Chetterfield seemed erratic and confused having spent the night sleeping under the broadcast desk. In addition, he threw up on the floor right before we see a new attraction coming to Southpaw Regional Wrestling.

A vignette airs for Tag Team competitors the “Top Guns”. They have a need for speed and they love America, their sound will play well in this town. However back in the studio Lance Catamaran reports that Southpaw Regional Wrestling cannot use the name “Top Guns”. They are now known as The Danger Zone. With their can-do attitude nothing can stop them ascending the ranks of the Tag Team division. Chett stares at a picture of Susan back in the studio, has something happened to them?

In Field Correspondent Clint Bobski interviews Southpaw Regional Wrestling’s first lady wrestler Debbie Desperado. She wants to know who she is facing at Showdown At The Swamp. Lance Catamaran asks the same question of the floor staff in studio “How could you hire just one? We need two!”. This all happened while Chetterfield wept openly.

We then see Tex2Bad still en route to Southpaw Regional Wrestling, they seem lost. Chad 2 Badd is very annoyed but Tex Ferguson calms him with his siren song “Daddy was a fall-down man”. The two men get back in the Trans Am and hit the road again in search of the venue.

We go off the air with The Banker Mr. Mackelroy selling his boat. He looked shocked by something. “They do exist” he exclaimed. What will Mackelroy have in store at Showdown At The Swamp?

Episode 5.

This episode opened with two new faces who seem to be attempting Voodoo on a doll? Is this what Mackelroy was talking about on last week’s telecast becuase it sure seems like something he would do.

Catamaran spits out his coffee in disbelief at this development while Chetterfield, looking disheveled, threw things around the studio ranting about how his heart has been Voodoo’d. Poor Chett.

Next up we had Tex and Chad lost on the road again. Both screamed in frustration. Will they ever find the Municipal Stadium?

We are told that we will have an interview with Astonishing Adam Düng conducted of course by Susan. Chett lost his mind and started screaming her name directly into the camera, Chett assumed that is where she was.

Susan interviewed Ashtonishing Adam as we are shown clips of the men from the start of the episode. They go by the names Brother Voo and Brother Doo, who then pull some voodoo on Adam who collapsed several times before running off. So where does this leave the $10,000 challenge??

The show went off the air after Chetterfield screamed Susan’s name and smashed a framed picture of them in happier times, it’s so sad.

Episode 6.

Lance Catamaran opens the final show before Showdown at The Swamp. Excitement is in the air as we get closer to Southpaw Regional Wrestling’s Closed Circuit Television event.

Catamaran recaps the events of last week and confirms that we will never see Astonishing Adam Düng again due to the voodoo attack.

Backstage we have Susan joined by Tex2Badd. They made it to the arena! They are rootin’ and tootin’ until Tex needs a bathroom urgently and runs off. Catamaran describes it as “Back-end hooping cough”. Less than ideal timing so close to their big Championship match.

Lance smells foul play and blames The Butchers. Chett smells “Love and Lies” while he starts to angrily take off his clothes.

Next we see a face-off between Dan Bandana and René Beret. The Frenchman does not want a flag match, he wants to see who the better catch-as-catch-can wrestler is. Bandana is having none of it and the Flag Match stands. Beret drops the old “You People” and Bandana goes into a rant about how great America is.

Back in the studio Lance directs the broadcast back to the Municiple Stadium to keep a now fully naked Chett Chetterfield off camera. Nicci Lee Styxxx begins to perform when who should appear but the missing Dewey. We get happy ending for the build up to a show that has now been plagued with so many issues.

Astonishing Adam Düng vs. “The Banker” Mr. Mackelroy – Forfeit win for The Banker.

The Danger Zone debut vs. Local Talent – Cancelled due to a cease and desist order by Paramount Pictures.

Tex2Badd vs. The Butchers – Cancelled due to E Coli outbreak.

Debbie Desperado vs. ? – Cancelled due to the lack of a second lady wrestler.

Doing It For Dewey Tournament – Cancelled as a result of Dewey being found alive and well.

Finally, in news outside of the ring. Malibu Al was arrested on Federal Racketeering charges and faces 15 years in Louisiana State Penitentiary.

Steven Murphy
2Bit Sports Co-Founder. Junior Vice President of Corporate Affairs, Creative, Live Events but also Third floor Janitor. Gaming Editor, Manchester United loudmouth. Whatever I am actually employed to do I probably did it earlier. It's on your desk, I'd say. Its safe to say that I call 'em as I see 'em. Be warned, I hate a lot of things. It's easier to count the things that I do like. I probably hate you.

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